Grandmother, Mother, Wife, Writer, Teacher
How this blog evolved.
The following was actually written six years ago
Since this writing I have pursued writing in my own style
through my postings on my blogs.
I also facilitate retreats that make our walk through life
It was the first day out gardening in the Spring; I found a discarded sole of a shoe. Somehow this sole had found its way into our garden and the thriving weeds that had grown over the winter had surrounded and partially covered it giving it a nestled sense of belonging. Significance struck me, but bent on my mission to pull all the weeds and dispose of them in the appropriate "green material" bin which was at hand meant I had to deal with the “un-green”sole later. There was a fleeting thought, “perhaps it is just where it is supposed to be.”
I actually forgot about it and so the sole was left a little more exposed as its surroundings had been uprooted with my pulling of the weeds still it remained a barely noticeable part of our spruced up garden.
The sole, however, was not meant to be forgotten because a couple of weeks later I went to go for a walk and discovered somehow the sole had found its way to a very noticeable spot on the adjoining front sidewalk. Many people walk that sidewalk each day but no one bothered the sole and neither did I other than a fleeting wonder at how it got there and a thought that I suppose I better do something with it.....but later.
There must have been a sublime message.
I have been praying for direction for some time now for a career. Not just anything but something that uses my God given talent. My problem is I am not sure what my God given talent is. I have had wondrous ideas but each time I proceed to go in those directions I become stuck. I know if it is God given I will not be struggling and trying in my will to make it happen but it will flow out of me with inspired joy.
Each morning I pray for help and then go about pursuing my ideas expecting God to open doors. Each evening I am disappointed and wonder where I have failed. I am led to readings that give me wonderful knowledge and insight but no tangible direction. I can see where God is working in my life and I know the principles to Let Go and Let God, to live in gratitude, to foster positive attitudes and thoughts and to live each day doing my best to bring love and harmony to the universe. I live an abundant life materially and for that I am grateful but the void seems to be lack of a purpose or a cause and knowing just what my gift is.
One morning I was contemplating the Lord’s Prayer and in particular the part “Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done”. I had a realization that I had to meet and be in God’s presence and that meeting had to take place with and in my soul unencumbered by outside problems and perceptions. I had to become reacquainted with my true self.
Much of my life has been the accumulation of the pursuit of worldly approval cloaked with posturing and pretence. Let me qualify the word much as this does not encompass all parts of my life; I know that many relationships I have are authentic and I have been and I am truly blessed with much love in my life. Worldly busyness, problems, obligations and pleasure seeking have distracted me. Much of my life has been over crammed with doing. Now my days are slowed and the years behind me are greater than those in front of me. To know my talent and utilize my potential becomes more pressing. I fill my days doing mundane chores, or fruitlessly trying to put a framework together for a career project. To the best of my ability I gladly give and help others and I am rewarded by the enjoyment I receive in doing so. Still the angst returns and I spend time reprimanding myself that I should be grateful and I am trying to force solutions after all this is God’s will and the only problem is my attitude. Well the trying to force solutions I admit is true.
Since I was a little girl I have unsuccessfully sought God, in churches, in obedience, in achievements, in the Bible, and in other people. It was an innate urging to connect with something that would surface again and again in my life not allowing me to forget.
I realized that morning in examining “Thy Will Be Done” I had unknowingly discarded my soul and it was no wonder I didn’t know God’s will or what my true gift was. I decided to allow myself the gift of time and commit to making a daily visit to my inner sanctuary. I allowed myself to be free of any preconceived thoughts and simply allow visions to guide me down steps to my inner sanctuary.
Since doing this I have felt some inner stirrings and awakenings. I feel like I am being guided and that indeed God has a purpose for me. Plausible possibilities for a career have been provided.
I went out and took a picture of that discarded sole. It was still on the sidewalk. No I did not pick it up and put it in the garbage. I photographed it and left it. I realized a connection and I knew sometime down the road this would be my story.
I have now written my story. I went out and retrieved the sole. The reason?
I felt there was a story to be shared and a reminder to be had.
On closer examination I realized this was an inner sole . Dr. Scholl’s actually. Dr. Scholl was a podiatrist whose fame and fortune came through producing inner soles that gave comfort and correction to those who were experiencing discomfort in their walk or to break it down further with their steps.
I photographed a closer picture of this inner soul and added my first realizations that morning.
I received a motivation message via email. To stop looking outside myself for potential but look at my inner self. The p.s. at the end of the message brought a smile to my face. It stated:
“The burden of wasted potential is the biggest burden of all!”
................................A few days later....I discovered this in the garden buried in the hedge.
A ballpoint pen
Sticking straight up!!!!!