Let me start with yesterday.
There has been some major turbulence with loved ones around me this past while; and while I am fairly practiced at standing on the outside of the vortex of emotion – these days the winds of powerlessness are a draw that threaten to suck me in. I know to be caught up in the emotion is folly and can render me useless so I knew that getting into that quiet still space in the eye of the storm was where I wanted to be. I am safe there.
Yesterday I spent the day repeating the Serenity Prayer. Intellectually I knew serenity was where I needed to be.....emotionally I was still a bit out of step.
“Giving up” requires strength especially for a control person such as I.
“Giving up” defined as having done what I can and then giving it up to my Loving Heavenly Creator and saying “Thy Will Be Done.” (sigh....not mine)
The good side of this is my mind was not in a runaway mode ...wandering a bit yes..but thankfully nothing like I used to suffer.
So I asked God to give me peace in my heart and to take charge of these situations....okay went a bit stronger....said to God...you can turn this shit to gold. ( I know, I know...God does not need the reminder, I do but it did feel empowering)
During the day I received messages about other things but within them were reminders to me that what seems bad is in fact something that is working for the greater good and in my limited perspective I cannot see the bigger picture.
As of late there have been several nudges to get back to writing on my blog site, so yesterday when my hairdresser said ‘are you still writing on your blog” I decided that this was what I was being called to do with the plus side being it occupied my mind and was food for my soul or as Brene Brown calls it “Wisdom Comfort”. So I set to work on a post that is overdue. (still in the works and for another day)
I always rise around 6:00 am, grab a coffee and in the quiet of the morning I spend some time feeding my soul. As of late that has amounted to searching for solutions and Face book. Yes, I know...not healthy...if someone asked me how to get centered and commune with my Higher Power this would not be my recommendation but God can work through everything and meet me where I am at and this morning I went to Facebook and the first post in front of me was one written by my dear step daughter, Melissa.
It is also her birth day and by the end of the day she will know her words gave birth to both comfort and inspiration.
Her message prompted me to just sit with it ......to reread it and digest it....then.....I closed my eyes, emptied my mind and sat in the silence.......out of the silence came the words “Be Still And Know I Am God”........then the whisper....Gentle.
When I opened my eyes....I saw the beauty of the sunrise through crossed wires. Yeah....I thought... there may be crossed wires today but beyond them there is a beauty.
The sunrise started to fade...and became clouded over....that would be right I thought; that pretty much is what happens when happenings cloud my day.
but if I look closely there were other glory holes opening.
And that too is pretty much what happens ....just not on my timeline....like right now/immediately.
As I looked away my attention fell on what appeared to be a barren tree rising above the rooftops but on closer examination I realized there were seeds on it....
the promise of new life.
I then heard rain....since my camera was out...why not....as I took the picture through the “sky light” I momentarily questioned whether I wanted to post this picture with mold on the skylight. “Get over it Shirley”...I chided myself at the same time realizing how much I have grown.
As I look at the photo...I see the rain has obscured the looming presence of the furnace chimney - a reminder of warmth. Inside I am warm and cosy, it is now coming on 11:00 o’clock....I am still in my comfy PJ’s and still will be for awhile as I download pictures and then upload to my site to publish, I did not take time to have my regular diet breakfast instead “sinned” (as in went against my better judgement) and ate a piece of cold leftover pizza but in this minute I am totally okay ....actually better than okay.....I am enjoying freedom from all cares in this moment and I can tell you it feels so right.
As I go forward with my day....whatever it brings....I hope for the sun but if there is rain it is all good I am now dressed appropriately for whatever as I allow that stillness and peace to radiate out and cloak me. This day for me will not be barren ....I was given a seed this morning....I planted it....nurtured it in this post.....and have now sent it out in the hope that my story has a message that is meaningful and it touches someone and brings comfort if they are experiencing turbulent times.
Already I am having a good day.
So indeed my prayer for peace and clear direction was answered. Sometimes it is choosing to follow a path that I am called to even though it makes no sense.
Thanks for spending time with me
Gratefully abiding in Him and ever striving to walk in Grace.