Saturday, April 11, 2015

Keeping It Real

Generous Thoughts       vs          Stingy Thoughts
healthy                                    unhealthy
        feels full                                   feels constricted
It was around 4:00 pm a low point in my day - my stomach was bothering me a bit so there was a low grade irritation and crankiness present.
I am grocery shopping.

The checkout lines are all busy and of course in my present state; I would choose the slowest line - the line with hold ups and irritations.

Now as I am waiting and let me qualify this.... a long wait;  I am having duelling thoughts in my head.
"Relax Shirley, it's all good - you have lots of time - breath and give space" (Generous Thoughts, really trying)
I look over and five people have now had their orders processed and the person I would have been behind -had I chosen that line -  is now gathering her bags.
"Grrr......Groan"    (Generous thought gets knocked out by Stingy Thoughts)
I bring my attention back to the cashier and the annoying customer who is holding everything up....I am now annoyed.  (Stingy thoughts... I am feeling constricted)
I expand my irritated thoughts to include the cashier.  She is not handling this difficulty in a proficient enough manner. (Stingy, unhealthy, judgmental thoughts) I am now feeling even more tired and the agitation to get moving forward is now kicked up a notch.
In the HALT acronym I use to assess myself.... hungry, angry, lonely, tired.....I am hungry (low blood sugar), angry and tired. 
I am aware of this, I knew before I started on this venture I was pushing the envelope of time....however there should not have been a holdup....then everything would have worked out. (stingy thoughts - tad unrealistic- now into blame) 

 (now watch how I go even lower to mean stingy thoughts).

I assess the cashier.  There is a bit of scragginess, a depressed demeanor and definitely no enthusiasm...I unfairly evaluate this as low end of competency.  (as I type this I wonder how I appeared in that moment....my guess...would be the same...ok....possibly worse)
In that moment my intention for the day flashes into my mind - it was generous thoughts! (generous thought now gets off the floor)
A picture of giving a bouquet comes to mind. (My generous thoughts now feel motivated)
"I can do better than this" I silently tell myself.
When finally it is my turn and I am closer, I sense the cashier's extreme tiredness.  She acknowledges me with a faint barely there hello. 

I've already made a decision -

I am not going to be the disgruntled shopper.  I give her a friendly hello back hoping it might lift her spirits a bit.
I note the milk and glass jars are loaded into the thin plastic grocery bag, I ask for it to be double bagged hoping she does not take it as criticism.  I joke about how my husband helps me bring in the groceries and his motto is 'most bags less trips" and how the bag would not fare too well.  She nods and complies.
All else is going effortlessly through the scanner until we get to hubby's head of iceberg lettuce (he is not into super greens).  The scanner won't take it - she tries repeatedly -

then angrily throws it into the bag.  

Momentarily I wonder if lettuce bruises and if hubby will notice.  I sense she is at the end of her tether...I can relate. 
"It's only a head of lettuce" slips out of my mouth......

suddenly I know an unspoken connect has happened.  She knows I understand.  It feels right.
As I gather to leave I thank her and wish her a good evening - she glances at me - a smile momentarily lights up her face, surprisingly I see she is a beautiful woman.

I left feeling full.   

Somehow I felt like I had been given a bouquet.

This came to mind as I wrote this post.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness; for they will be filled" Matthew 5:6 





1 comment:

  1. That was beautiful. It actually made me cry. I don't know why. You probably did make her day. So often we go though our day feeling so unappreciated and unloved. It's amazing what some acts of kindness can do. Thank you for sharing. I will try to go about my day this way. Xoxo Tammy Ray